Need to revise the version of the essay that was provided earlier (order #550042-Essay 1 (Census questions) based on the feedback provided below:
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You have a clear focus, though you don’t get to it until the third paragraph. As you’re revising, give some thought to the structure. How can you move your focus closer to the beginning? How do you want to move from gender identification to sexual orientation? Also, while I completely agree that by providing opportunities for transgender and intersex individuals to self-identify the census could serve to normalize non-binary gender identity, I also think that the public perception of the census (as seen by the response to the citizenship question this year) includes fear of being targeted as a result of the disclosure. This might be worth considering as you make your recommendation for inclusion. You might bring up this potential objection only to reject it (based on the fact that individual census information is kept private for 72 years). Anticipating counterarguments and answering them can strengthen your position.
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